Clearing cobwebs

They were there again this morning. I haven’t seen them in a while. Cobwebs, backlit by the sun in the paddocks. And as they brought a smile to my face, I felt a different energy move through me. I took a moment just to breathe. Because it’s been a challenging week. But there they were, the first bit of sunshine in a couple of days. I woke up this morning with my body feeling the remnants of the emotional charge this week. Nothing too serious, but just a build up of frustrations. And they take their toll, don’t they. A slight headache for three odd days from the tight muscles across the back of my skull, exhaustion from all the emotional turmoil. Parenting stuff. School holidays and not a moment to myself. What do you do with an eleven year old that’s going on sixteen? And then a bit of news that threw me temporarily. On the upside, lots of excitement. So much, I couldn’t sleep. At 42 I just bought my first cello. Never played a note. But I feel it’s time to learn. To spend quality time with myself, doing something just for me.

Put it all together and my body was really feeling the stretch even though it was all over. Angst to excitement. Despair to acceptance. And I felt stuck in the emotion. This time it just didn’t want to let go. But post cancer, I know a lightness of being now that I’ve never known before and I wanted it back. And so I knew I had to move my body, move the stressed out feelings through me. They had no reason to be there any more. But sitting just seems to keep things so stuck. And so I walked. And played a bit of soccer with the dogs. And then took the day as gently as I could. A massage from my kids. Touch is magic, isn’t it. This end of the day there’s a little way to go, but I am beginning to feel much better.

Self-love, self-concern. Essential ingredients to health really. And so different to being selfish. They come from a different place. A higher place it seems. Because if we don’t take care of us, who else will? Over the last few years I’ve come to understand that it is only when we look after ourselves that we truly have the energy to look after others. After all, we have so much more to give when our well is full, don’t we. And so I give thanks to my body for reminding me through the discomfort that loving myself and creating down time in my busy world is a non-negotiable…

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