Come on baby light my fire

It’s the elephant in the room. You know, the one over there in the corner nobody is talking about. The loss of libido that can so often follow the cancer. Well today I’ve reached my limit. Because for the last 18 months or so I may as well be dead from the waist down. No drive. No desire. No sensation. The mind is willing but the body seems to belong to somebody else. It affects everything, doesn’t it. And I know I’m not alone.

And I find it’s just too easy to blame the chemo. Or the Tamoxifen. After all, I don’t have any of the other side-effects. But maybe they contribute. And then maybe it’s the psychological response to having a boob cut off. They are so much our femininity, especially in our society. I loved mine. And you’ve only got to look around our house to see how many gorgeous naked women grace our walls in artwork. I really do love the feminine form. Or maybe it’s a combination of everything. Together with the fact that while I so love my husband of almost 20 years, my soul mate, things have naturally hit that plateau. Add to it kids and work… needless to say my libido is history.

I didn’t fight the cancer. Because you can’t heal anything when you fight. But now that I am healed I am fighting this one. Because I will not give it up. I am too young. Suppose to be in my prime. And I want it back. And I know that somewhere inside of me is the memory of that drive. Those wonderful desires. And so I plan to find a way to tap back in. To reconnect to a circuit that allows me to once again enjoy being the woman that I am. And I know it’s possible. Because our minds are so powerful, aren’t they. This time, I’m stepping outside my comfort zone and learning new ways to embrace that precious gift that is our sexuality…

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