Looking for answers

Same story. I hear it often. Different people, different places, different times. But always the same story. He lost his son. Tragically, and without warning. In the prime of his life. And not long after the diagnosis of cancer came. The prostate. Some would say it’s an organ linked to feelings of powerlessness. She lost her dad. Again unexpectedly, without warning. Eighteen months later she’s dealing with breast cancer. She lost a child. The shock of him taking his own life. And she too felt the heavy blow of cancer soon after. Many people don’t realise that in Chinese medicine the heart meridian runs across the breast. The same story. So often.

We can’t continue to ignore the connections, can we.

Because we are emotional beings. And though we might have been taught about the body through its different systems, we are all one. Body, mind, spirit. And the loss of a loved one can be one of the hardest pains to bear.  The emptiness, the ache, the depth of the wound. Those feelings of never to recover. They did some research into what happens to your immune system when you lose a mate. And not surprisingly your immune system plummets. Opening us up to the possibility of cancer. Normally we’d have the reserves to knock those rogue cells over, but in our grief they can gain a foothold. It doesn’t happen to everyone. And that’s an interesting thing, isn’t it. Why some people survive the death of a loved one, while others go on to develop a tumour. And in a particular part of the body. A target organ that seems to have a special meaning at a deeper level. You’d think it would be worth looking into and learning from, wouldn’t it. But we’re not good at emotions. You don’t go there.

And I guess that’s why with all the money we raise toward cancer research, more is not directed toward the role our emotions play. Because as a society, we’re not very good with emotions, are we. Consciously or unconsciously we bury them. We don’t know how to talk about them. We don’t know what to say. We don’t know how to cope. I know when I got the diagnosis, some people found it very difficult, the emotional rollercoaster that unfolds. Not something we’re taught, is it. Emotional intelligence. But so important.

Because we are emotional beings, aren’t we. Whether or not we show them. And loss is a part of life, isn’t it. To love is to be connected. That special bond we have with our loved ones. They say ‘better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all’. And though I live with the possibility of loss everyday, perhaps a little closer to home than most, I have learned to live in its presence, finding a peace that makes it easier to bear…

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