The Bigger Picture

Sometimes I wonder. Because there are things that happen that leave us in awe, aren’t there. The miracle of birth, the expanse of the stars at night. What does it all mean? Where do we end up? The world is full of incredible beauty and answers we cannot know. Some say we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Or is it human beings having a spiritual experience? Perhaps it’s both.

And I watch the perfect timing as things unfold in my life. Sometimes after struggling for a while. Then reaching surrender. And suddenly out of nowhere a piece falls perfectly into place. And it leaves me in awe of the perfectness of it all. Yes, I’ve had my share of heartache, but looking back it’s brought me to where I am now and I’m in a good place. I’ve learned not to push too hard, but to surrender and be patient. Not easy at times. But there seems to be a higher purpose in all of this.

And today it happened again.

Because for the last five weeks I’ve been worrying about my daughter. She’s not adjusting to high school all that well. She went to a new high school knowing virtually no-one. Leaving behind soul mates. And this was her choice, so we supported it. But we have watched her struggle. And I have been tired and achy for the last month. Little side effects. Not normal for me. And so unwelcome because I know what it is to truly feel good even when I am on medication that seems to knock others around. I figured the anxiety was letting the hormone blockers affect me just ever so slightly. And then I realised. Watching my daughter struggle was triggering my own struggle at high school. Feelings I’d forgotten about but were still there, buried in my memory, just below the surface. Six miserable years. I hated it. Never quite fitting in, selective high school pressures, unhappy at home. No wonder I was worried. And not feeling my self. Her struggle bringing it all back up.

Over the years I’ve discovered most people don’t realise how simple it can be to heal old wounds. When we give it a chance. It just needs a different approach. After all you can’t use a hammer when you need a screw driver, can you. Stuck feelings I call them. No longer needed, but still hanging around. And these were some I didn’t want to hang on to anymore. So yesterday I put them on the table. Or in the basket as I say to my clients. I sought the help of a trusted friend. She’s quite incredible at creating an environment in which I can let them go. Quietly, easily. Without drama. And then the miracle happened. At four o’clock today I got a phone call. ‘Mum’ she said. ‘There’s this girl. She’s just moved into our class and she’s so much like me. And lots of fun. She wants to hang out with me at lunch. And we’re going shopping together. I’ve found a friend’. It brought tears to my eyes. Tears of relief. Tears of joy. Because no one likes to see their kids struggling, do they. And I have to wonder. The perfect timing of it all. Yesterday I sorted my stuff. And today she sorted hers.

They say that life is a dance. And while we can’t change others, we can change ourselves. And it’s an interesting thing that as we heal old wounds, we begin to take new steps in this dance of life. And by necessity, when we take different steps, those we love must learn to dance this new dance too…

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