The still small voice within

I had one of those decisions to make yesterday. You know the ones, those difficult ones that come with the experience of cancer. And there are many of them, aren’t there. It’s all one big trade off after another.

I found myself once again between a rock and a hard place. Because I am considering breast reconstruction. It’s a personal preference. And I am having trouble resolving the fact that to have a breast reconstructed, I must go through major surgery that compromises a perfectly good region of my body – a donor site – from which to reconstruct my breast. It just seems like I must swap one scar for another. And the new scar will be huge. I find it all incredibly distressing. Because I am faced with a choice to live as I am now shaped, not ideal, or to damage myself further for the benefit of cosmetic and psychological gain. The psychological costs of cancer are enormous, aren’t they.

I went as far as booking the surgery. But that still small voice inside of me wouldn’t settle. And it has guided me well on this journey. And I knew in my heart that it was not for me. So last night I searched the internet to learn of other people’s experiences to understand the possible ramifications of this surgery down the track. And then I found it, a little known option that offers the best of both worlds. Reconstruction with minimal damage. Isn’t it amazing how that inner voice can guide us.

This morning I cancelled the surgery. To be true to myself there must be another way and I am prepared to give myself the time to find out more. My inner voice has been there helping me make the difficult decisions all along. And sometimes I wonder how different things would have been if I hadn’t stopped to listen…

Tags: , , ,

Comments are closed.